I just Googled “what do women REALLY want?” My computer crashed.

Don’t follow my footsteps. I run into walls.

IfI am extra sarcastic with you it probably means I’m flirting with you or you really annoy me or I can’t handle your shit .

Have fun figuring out which. :)

Sorry about those texts I sent you last night, my phone was drunk.

I come up with the best ideas when sitting on the toilet then forget them after the flush.

When a bird hits your window have you ever wondered if God is playing angry birds with you?

No, I don’t have a solution, but I certainly admire the problem.
Ashleigh Brilliant

I suggest we drink before we go out drinking.

If a man said he’ll fix it, he will. There is no need to remind him every 6 months about it

I have two daughters and both are girls.

I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks.
Steve Martin

Learn from the past Live for today Look for tomorrow Take a nap this afternoon.

I copied my shaadi.com profile from a used truck website. Meticulous white – Good condition – Reliable – Cheap – No evidence of rear end damage. Must See. :D

I wasn’t kissing her, I was just whispering in her mouth.
Chico Marx

Knowledge is like underwear. It is useful to have it, but not necessary to show it off.

Don’t drink and park – accidents cause people.

A BOSS is like a diaper.. Always on your ass, and usually full of sh … it

when a girl says she’ll be ready in 5 more minutes, it’s the same as when a guy says the game has 5 minutes left.:D

Ever read a book that changed your life? Me neither.

11- Sweetest kiss- On the head. Loveliest kiss- On cheeks! Most romantic kiss- On the lips! & the hottest kiss? On The bike’s silencer

Fart when people hug you. It makes them feel strong.

SCIENCE FACT: If you close your eyes, you won’t be able to see.

My husband and I
divorced over religious
differences – He
thought he was God.

If the world were ruled by women then there would be no war… just couple of nations not talking with each other.

Feel free to use anything, except my spouse & my toothbrush…I mean it about the toothbrush.

I dig,
you dig,
We dig,
he dig,
they dig….

It is not a a beautiful poem but it’s very deep.

I wonder If a bra is called an ‘over the shoulder bolder holder’, then what would you call men underwear?
It would be known as under the but nut hut?

Whenever you are feeling sad, just remember that somewhere in the world there’s an idiot pulling a door that says “PUSH”. LOLZZZ

Love thy neighbor. But don’t get caught.

Ever wondered why need to pee intensifies when you are unlocking the door? :)

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