Most Wittiest collection of Funny Quotes and Sayings. Be Ready to get yourself LOLED :)

I married your mother because I wanted children. Imagine my disappointment when you arrived.
Groucho Marx

You’re about as pleasant as an itchy butthole.

I just Googled “what do women REALLY want?” My computer crashed.

Don’t follow my footsteps. I run into walls.

IfI am extra sarcastic with you it probably means I’m flirting with you or you really annoy me or I can’t handle your shit .

Have fun figuring out which. :)

Sorry about those texts I sent you last night, my phone was drunk.

I come up with the best ideas when sitting on the toilet then forget them after the flush.

When a bird hits your window have you ever wondered if God is playing angry birds with you?

No, I don’t have a solution, but I certainly admire the problem.
Ashleigh Brilliant

I suggest we drink before we go out drinking.