1- You can’t wash your eyes with soap.
2- You can’t count your hairs.
3- You can’t breathe through your nose, with your tongue out.
4- You just tried No.3.
6- When you did No.3 you realized it’s possible only you look like a dog.
7- You’re smiling right now because you’re fooled.
8- You skipped No. 5.
9- You just checked to see if there’s No. 5
10- Share this with your friends to have some fun too. :)

Objects in mirror are dumber than they appear.

When you go to work, if your name is on the building, you’re rich. If your name is on your desk, you’re middle class. And if your name is on your shirt, you’re poor.
Rich Hall

Dear Santa,
Please send me a baby brother.


Santa Wrote back,
“Send me your mother….”

LOLZZZZZZZDon’t forget to share this funny pic with your friends. Everyone deserves laughter. :)

Last night I almost had a threesome, I only needed two more people!

When a newly married couple smile, everyone knows why.
But when a fifteen year old married couple smile everyone wonders why..!!! :) :)

It is always the best policy to tell the truth, unless of course you are an exceptionally good liar.
Jerome K. Jerome

Getting married is a lot like getting into a tub of hot water. After you get used to it, it ain’t so hot.
Minnie Pearl

If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.
George Carlin

A woman is like a tea bag, you can not tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water.
Nancy Reagan

Dancing is like a shower: one wrong turn and you’re in hot water!

All my life I thought air was free……
until I bought a bag of chips.

On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the Escape key.

Love is like a fart.
If you have to force it, it’s probably a crap.

By the time we’re ready to admit we’ve reached middle age, we’re beyond it.

Girls want a lot of things from one guy. Conversely, guys want one thing from a lot of girls.

Do you know what I’m thinking? No. Neither d I; frightening, isn’t it?

Strange thing about women’s brain, there’s nothing right in left side, and nothing left on the right side.

Men who don’t understand women fall into two groups: Bachelors and husbands.

There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
Oscar Wilde

Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans”
John Lennon

I have finally been diagnosed…!!! I have a serious condition known as “Awesomeness” but don’t worry, none of you can get it because its not contagious!

I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbor said ‘Are you going to help?’ I said, ‘No, Six should be enough.
Les Dawson

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I don’t have a drinking problem. I drink. I get drunk. I fall down, no problem.

Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon.
Tim Allen

He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don’t let that fool you. He really is an idiot.
Groucho Marx

If your parents never had children, chances are you won’t either.
Dick Cavett

An original idea? That can’t be too hard. The library must be full of them.
Stephen Fry

Love is blind, but marriage restores its sight.
George Lichtenberg

Why go to college? There’s Google.

As you were, I was. As I am, you will be.
Hell’s angels

I used to think that you were pain in the neck. Now I have a much lower opinion of you.

Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
Henry Youngman

Women have a passion for mathematics. They divide their age in half, double the price of their clothes, and always add at least 5 years to the age of their best friend.

In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But in practice, there is.
Yogi Berra

We learn from experience that men never learn anything from experience.   LOLzzzzz
George Bernard Shaw

Every successful enterprise requires three men – a dreamer, a businessman, and a son-of-a-bitch.
Peter McArthur

Honolulu – it’s got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wife’s mother.
Ken Dodd