It is always the best policy to tell the truth, unless of course you are an exceptionally good liar.
Jerome K. Jerome
Getting married is a lot like getting into a tub of hot water. After you get used to it, it ain’t so hot.
A woman is like a tea bag, you can not tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water.
1- You can’t wash your eyes with soap.
2- You can’t count your hairs.
3- You can’t breathe through your nose, with your tongue out.
4- You just tried No.3.
6- When you did No.3 you realized it’s possible only you look like a dog.
7- You’re smiling right now because you’re fooled.
8- You skipped No. 5.
9- You just checked to see if there’s No. 5
10- Share this with your friends to have some fun too.
Girls want a lot of things from one guy. Conversely, guys want one thing from a lot of girls.
I have finally been diagnosed…!!! I have a serious condition known as “Awesomeness” but don’t worry, none of you can get it because its not contagious!
I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbor said ‘Are you going to help?’ I said, ‘No, Six should be enough.
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Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon.
He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don’t let that fool you. He really is an idiot.
An original idea? That can’t be too hard. The library must be full of them.
Love is blind, but marriage restores its sight.
Why go to college? There’s Google.
As you were, I was. As I am, you will be.
I used to think that you were pain in the neck. Now I have a much lower opinion of you.
Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
Women have a passion for mathematics. They divide their age in half, double the price of their clothes, and always add at least 5 years to the age of their best friend.
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But in practice, there is.
Every successful enterprise requires three men – a dreamer, a businessman, and a son-of-a-bitch.
Honolulu – it’s got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wife’s mother.
Have you ever had a fly or small bug land on your computer screen and your first reaction is to try and scare it with the cursor?
Death is nature’s way of saying, Your table’s ready.