10 Fun Facts
1- You can’t wash your eyes with soap.
2- You can’t count your hairs.
3- You can’t breathe through your nose, with your tongue out.
4- You just tried No.3.
6- When you did No.3 you realized it’s possible only you look like a dog.
7- You’re smiling right now because you’re fooled.
8- You skipped No. 5.
9- You just checked to see if there’s No. 5
10- Share this with your friends to have some fun too. 🙂
Getting married is a lot like getting into a tub of hot water. After you get used to it, it ain’t so hot.
History doesn’t repeat itself, but it does rhyme.
I feel sorry for people who don’t drink. When they wake up in the morning, that’s as good as they’re going to feel all day.
Mom & Pop were just a couple of kids when they got married. He was eighteen, she was sixteen and I was three.
If your parents never had children, chances are you won’t either.
A woman has got to love a bad man once or twice in her life to be thankful for a good one.
What happens at my place, stays at my place.
Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the the universe.
Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
There’s one thing that’s really great about waking up early, and it’s not jogging or greeting the day – it’s just that that’s when they make doughnuts.
An optimist will tell you the glass is half-full; the pessimist, half-empty; and the engineer will tell you the glass is twice the size it needs to be.
There’s very little advice in men’s magazines, because men think, ‘I know what I’m doing. Just show me somebody naked.
We would all like to vote for the best man but he is never a candidate.
Frank McKinney Hubbard
If you sprinkle when you tinkle, be neat and wipe the seat!
Do the right thing. It will gratify some people and astonish the rest.
Beauty fades . . . dumb is forever.
We spend the first twelve months of our children’s lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.
Don’t drink and drive…You might hit a bump and spill your drink.
If black boxes survive air crashes – why don’t they make the whole plane out of the stuff?
I’m kidding about having only a few dollars. I might have a few dollars more.
Congrats on getting married… (Inside card) – It’s not everyday you decide to ruin your life.
No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married.
Forgive me now – tomorrow I may no longer feel guilty.
When I was born … the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father … I’m very sorry. We did everything we could … but he pulled through.
Sometimes I think that I’m an alcoholic…but then I realize I’ll forget that when I’m drunk.