Reading our wittiest ever collection of funny quotes and sayings below, you’re sure as hell to get yourself rolling on the floor with giggles and laughter. Don’t forget to FB Like or tweet the phrases you like the most. Enjoy :)

If people are talking behind your back, then just fart.

My goal for 2015 is to accomplish the goals of 2014 which I should have done in 2013 because I made a promise in 2012 which I planned on keeping back in 2011. :)

When you fall asleep tonight, I’m gonna fart in your face.
Donnie Darko

Let us now set forth one of the fundamental truths about marriage: the wife is in charge.
Bill Cosby

That awkward moment when you’ve already said ‘what?’ 3 times and still have no idea what the other person said, so you just agree!


Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don’t have time for all that. George Carlin

10-fun-facts10 Fun Facts

1- You can’t wash your eyes with soap.
2- You can’t count your hairs.
3- You can’t breathe through your nose, with your tongue out.
4- You just tried No.3.
6- When you did No.3 you realized it’s possible only you look like a dog.
7- You’re smiling right now because you’re fooled.
8- You skipped No. 5.
9- You just checked to see if there’s No. 5
10- Share this with your friends to have some fun too. :)

Figure out what to do, then take a nap. Adam Carolla

When in doubt, mumble.

Men are the best cooks, because with two eggs, one sausage, and a little bit of milk, he can fill a girl’s tummy for nine months.

Love is like a fart.
If you have to force it, it’s probably a crap.