1- You can’t wash your eyes with soap.
2- You can’t count your hairs.
3- You can’t breathe through your nose, with your tongue out.
4- You just tried No.3.
6- When you did No.3 you realized it’s possible only you look like a dog.
7- You’re smiling right now because you’re fooled.
8- You skipped No. 5.
9- You just checked to see if there’s No. 5
10- Share this with your friends to have some fun too.
I married your mother because I wanted children. Imagine my disappointment when you arrived.
You’re about as pleasant as an itchy butthole.
I just Googled “what do women REALLY want?” My computer crashed.
Don’t follow my footsteps. I run into walls.
IfI am extra sarcastic with you it probably means I’m flirting with you or you really annoy me or I can’t handle your shit .
Have fun figuring out which.
Sorry about those texts I sent you last night, my phone was drunk.
I come up with the best ideas when sitting on the toilet then forget them after the flush.
When a bird hits your window have you ever wondered if God is playing angry birds with you?
No, I don’t have a solution, but I certainly admire the problem.