I hate how after an argument, I think about more clever stuffs I could have said.
Trust me, You can dance.
Arguing with a women is like reading the software license agreement. In the end, you ignore everything and click “I Agree.”
When I’m on my death bed, I want my final words to be “I left one million dollars in the…
A man has usually no idea how often he normally farts. That is, until he spends 24 hours with a girl he likes.
10 FUN FACTS
1- You can’t wash your eyes with soap.
2- You can’t count your hairs.
3- You can’t breathe through your nose, with your tongue out.
4- You just tried No.3.
6- When you did No.3 you realized it’s possible only you look like a dog.
7- You’re smiling right now because you’re fooled.
8- You skipped No. 5.
9- You just checked to see if there’s No. 5
10- Share this with your friends to have some fun too. 🙂
I hate it when I am drinking and somebody tries to correct my VODCABULARY.
Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men–the other 999 follow women.
I’d rather die while I’m living then live while I’m dead.
It is better to fart and feel the shame than hold and feel the pain. 🙂
There are only three things that women needs in life: Food, water, and compliments.
Everyone needs to believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.
You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.
George F. Burns
He has a face like Saint – A Saint Barnard
Those who don’t like me, aren’t like me. As its highly unlikely they’ll ever be like me to like me. Which I personally don’t care if this is more than highly likely.
My father was never proud of me.
One day he asked me, “How old are you.”
I said, “I’m five.”
He said, “When I was your age I was six.”
Sometimes all you need is $500 million dollars.
You can figure out how bad a person you are by how soon after September 11th you masturbated, like how long you waited… and for me it was between the two buildings going down… I had to do it, otherwise they’d win.
When you fall asleep tonight, I’m gonna fart in your face.
Let us now set forth one of the fundamental truths about marriage: the wife is in charge.