Beer makes you feel the way you ought to feel without beer.
How do you know when you are too drunk to drive? When you swerve to miss a tree than realize it was you air-freshner.
Trust me, You can dance.
Everyone needs to believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.
Sorry about those texts I sent you last night, my phone was drunk.
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I don’t have a drinking problem. I drink. I get drunk. I fall down, no problem.
Yes, madam, I am drunk. But in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.
Winston Churchill (I like this funny quote the most)
Not one man in a beer commercial has a beer belly.
A drunk mans words are a sober man’s thoughts.
You’re not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
They who drink beer will think beer.
If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose.
He was a wise man who invented beer.
I’m not as think as you drunk I am.
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