We have strange psyche, we call slow person a stupid, but the person faster than us is a crazy.
Have you ever noticed how nothing is impossible for those who don’t have to do it?
The wise never marry, and when they marry they become otherwise.
I’m trying to read a book on how to relax, but I keep falling asleep.
Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom.
Love: when you still like someone even after climaxing.
Mobile phones are the only subject on which all boast about who’s got the smallest.
When a man opens the car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.
If one studies too zealously, one easily loses his pants.
Bores can be divided into two classes; those who have their own particular subject, and those who do not need a subject.
Money and women. They’re two of the strongest things in the world. The things you do for a woman you wouldn’t do for anything else. Same with money.
Love makes the world go round? Not at all. Whiskey makes it go round twice as fast.
You put a baby in a crib with an apple and a rabbit. If it eats the rabbit and plays with the apple, I’ll buy you a new car.
I’m not as think as you drunk I am.
The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they’re too old to do it.
Success gives some people big heads, and others big headaches.
No man knows he is young while he is young.
To be clever enough to get all the money, one must be stupid enough to want it.
Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting one in a fruit salad.
I’m so smart now. Everyone’s always like ‘take your top off.’ Sorry, NO! They always want to get that money shot. I’m not stupid.
Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
love is like a war; easy to start but hard to end and you never know where it might take you.
It is a curious fact that people are never so trivial as when they take themselves seriously.
When a man goes on a date he wonders if he is going to get lucky. A woman already knows.
Answer the phone in a European accent, and slowly change it to a Chinese accent.
You know, television was actually invented in the 1890s, but they couldn’t get it to work until the ’40s when they came out with gaffer tape.
Walter Pyle, CBS
All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. That’s his.
The only fool bigger than the person who knows it all is the person who argues with him.
Stanislaw Jerszy Lec
My education was dismal. I went to a series of schools for mentally disturbed teachers.
At the age of six I wanted to be a cook. At seven I wanted to be Napoleon. And my ambition has been growing steadily ever since.