I both love and do not love and am mad and not mad.
It takes 8,460 bolts to assemble an automobile, and one nut to scatter it all over the road.
If you can make a girl laugh – you can make her do anything.
Pessimist : A person who says that O is the last letter of ZERO, instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY.
Confidence is the sexiest thing a woman can have. It’s much sexier than any body part.
A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.
Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.
A young man fills out an application for a job and does well until he gets to the last question, “Who Should we notify in case of an accident?” He mulls it over and then writes, “Anybody in sight!”
Avoid fruits and nuts. You are what you eat.
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She’s 97 today and we don’t know where the hell she is.
What would men be without women? Scarce, sir … mighty scarce.
I identify more with women than with men. I guess I have a strong feminine side.
I don’t intend to offend; I just offend with my intent.
Sometimes I think that I’m an alcoholic…but then I realize I’ll forget that when I’m drunk.
Life is cheap. It’s the accessories that kill you.
Television? The word is half Latin and half Greek. No good can come of it.
Charles Prestwich Scott
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.
Honesty is the best policy — when there is money in it.
When people ask me if I have any spare change, I tell them I have it at home in my spare wallet.
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.
You know when you put a stick in water and it looks bent? That’s why I never take baths.
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
There’s one thing that’s really great about waking up early, and it’s not jogging or greeting the day – it’s just that that’s when they make doughnuts.
It’s always darkest before the dawn. So if you’re going to steal your neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it.
I love people; it’s mankind I can’t stand.
Do you realize if it weren`t for Edison we`d be watching TV by candlelight?
School is a place were you go to eat your lunch
If I agreed with you we’d both be wrong.
Statistics show that teen pregnancy drops off significantly after age 25.
Mary Anne Tebedo
Trust your husband, adore your husband, and get as much as you can in your own name.