Objects in mirror are dumber than they appear.
When you go to work, if your name is on the building, you’re rich. If your name is on your desk, you’re middle class. And if your name is on your shirt, you’re poor.
Please send me a baby brother.
Santa Wrote back,
“Send me your mother….”
But when a fifteen year old married couple smile everyone wonders why..!!! 🙂 🙂
It is always the best policy to tell the truth, unless of course you are an exceptionally good liar.
Jerome K. Jerome
Getting married is a lot like getting into a tub of hot water. After you get used to it, it ain’t so hot.
A woman is like a tea bag, you can not tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water.
All my life I thought air was free……
until I bought a bag of chips.
On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the Escape key.
By the time we’re ready to admit we’ve reached middle age, we’re beyond it.
Girls want a lot of things from one guy. Conversely, guys want one thing from a lot of girls.
Strange thing about women’s brain, there’s nothing right in left side, and nothing left on the right side.
Men who don’t understand women fall into two groups: Bachelors and husbands.
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
“Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.”
I have finally been diagnosed…!!! I have a serious condition known as “Awesomeness” but don’t worry, none of you can get it because its not contagious!
I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbor said ‘Are you going to help?’ I said, ‘No, Six should be enough.
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I don’t have a drinking problem. I drink. I get drunk. I fall down, no problem.
Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon.
He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don’t let that fool you. He really is an idiot.
If your parents never had children, chances are you won’t either.
An original idea? That can’t be too hard. The library must be full of them.
Love is blind, but marriage restores its sight.
Why go to college? There’s Google.