I wake up when I can’t hold my PEE any longer.
Trust me, You can dance.
When I’m on my death bed, I want my final words to be “I left one million dollars in the…
I’d rather die while I’m living then live while I’m dead.
It is better to fart and feel the shame than hold and feel the pain. 🙂
He has a face like Saint – A Saint Barnard
Sometimes all you need is $500 million dollars.
I’m such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.
Mirrors can’t talk. Luckily for you, they can’t laugh either!
Pardon my driving, I’m reloading.
Don’t talk about yourself so much… we’ll do that when you leave.
Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.
Don’t drink and drive…You might hit a bump and spill your drink.
A bicycle can’t stand alone; it is two tired.
Reduce Check-in Line Ups. Fly Naked!
Ever notice how fast Windows runs? Neither did I.
A little abuse keeps the joints loose.
Wayne M. Schmidt
He was a wise man who invented beer.
A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
Love: when you still like someone even after climaxing.