Someone should open up a restaurant called “I don’t care”. Then we can finally go to that restaurant my girlfriends always talking about.”
Women spend their whole life to find the right man just to tell him everyday that he is wrong.
A child’s greatest period of growth is the month after
you’ve purchased new school clothes.
It’s called karma but its pronounced as
“Ha Ha Ha”
Things to do today:
1. Dig a hole
2. Name it Love
3. Watch people fall in Love
“What happens after you die?”
“Lot’s of things happen after you die – they just don’t involve you.”
I wake up when I can’t hold my PEE any longer.
Does anybody know how to disable the auto-correct feature on my wife ?
How do you know when you are too drunk to drive? When you swerve to miss a tree than realize it was you air-freshner.
I hate how after an argument, I think about more clever stuffs I could have said.
Arguing with a women is like reading the software license agreement. In the end, you ignore everything and click “I Agree.”
When I’m on my death bed, I want my final words to be “I left one million dollars in the…
10 FUN FACTS
1- You can’t wash your eyes with soap.
2- You can’t count your hairs.
3- You can’t breathe through your nose, with your tongue out.
4- You just tried No.3.
6- When you did No.3 you realized it’s possible only you look like a dog.
7- You’re smiling right now because you’re fooled.
8- You skipped No. 5.
9- You just checked to see if there’s No. 5
10- Share this with your friends to have some fun too. 🙂
I hate it when I am drinking and somebody tries to correct my VODCABULARY.
Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men–the other 999 follow women.
There are only three things that women needs in life: Food, water, and compliments.
You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.
George F. Burns
Those who don’t like me, aren’t like me. As its highly unlikely they’ll ever be like me to like me. Which I personally don’t care if this is more than highly likely.
Sometimes all you need is $500 million dollars.
You can figure out how bad a person you are by how soon after September 11th you masturbated, like how long you waited… and for me it was between the two buildings going down… I had to do it, otherwise they’d win.