Category: 500+ Funny Quotes that will definitely make you laugh out loud

I poured

I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he’s gone.

I am grateful

I am grateful for my crazy, psycho, insane and just totally messed up friends. Normal people scare the crap out of me. 

Someone should open up a restaurant

Someone should open up a restaurant called “I don’t care”. Then we can finally go to that restaurant my girlfriends always talking about.”

Find the right man

Women spend their whole life to find the right man just to tell him everyday that he is wrong.

School clothes

A child’s greatest period of growth is the month after
you’ve purchased new school clothes.

Things to do today

Things to do today:
1. Dig a hole
2. Name it Love
3. Watch people fall in Love

After You die

“What happens after you die?”
“Lot’s of things happen after you die – they just don’t involve you.”

Does anybody know

Does anybody know how to disable the auto-correct feature on my wife ?

Too drunk to drive

How do you know when you are too drunk to drive? When you swerve to miss a tree than realize it was you air-freshner.

after an argument

I hate how after an argument, I think about more clever stuffs I could have said.

Arguing with women

Arguing with a women is like reading the software license agreement. In the end, you ignore everything and click “I Agree.”

10 Fun Facts

1- You can’t wash your eyes with soap.
2- You can’t count your hairs.
3- You can’t breathe through your nose, with your tongue out.
4- You just tried No.3.
6- When you did No.3 you realized it’s possible only you look like a dog.
7- You’re smiling right now because you’re fooled.
8- You skipped No. 5.
9- You just checked to see if there’s No. 5
10- Share this with your friends to have some fun too. 🙂


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